Last updated June 20, 2019 at 11:19 am
It’s not failing to make progress that hurts, but negatively overthinking it.
Having aspirations helps us navigate life in a meaningful and fulfilling way, but it can also cause psychological distress when hopes are left unfulfilled.
New research from Edith Cowan University (ECU) has found that it’s not failing to make progress toward our ‘ideal-self’ that is problematic but rather the tendency to focus on that lack of progress in a negative way that leads to psychological distress.
In other words, it pays to be kind to yourself, says the researchers.
Two key self-guides that motivate us
Dickson says there are two key ‘self-guides’ that typically motivate us and provide standards for self-evaluation: the ‘ideal-self’ and the ‘ought-self’.
“The ‘ideal-self’ is the person we ideally want to be – our hopes and aspirations. The ‘ought self’ is who we believe we ought to be – our duties, obligations, and responsibilities.”
“Our findings showed that perceiving one’s hopes and wishes as unfulfilled and the loss of desired positive outcomes increases emotional vulnerability and psychological distress.”
The role of negative overthinking
The study also considered whether rumination, or negative overthinking, played a role in these relationships.
“It’s not failing to make progress toward our ‘ideal-self’ that is necessarily problematic but rather the tendency to repetitively think about this lack of progress that represents a significant vulnerability that, in turn, leads to increased psychological distress.”
In contrast, lack of progress in relation to our ‘ought self’ (ie duties, responsibilities, obligations) directly increased anxiety (but not depression), and this was not facilitated via repetitive thinking.
“It may be that fulfilling obligations, duties and responsibilities is more pressing or urgent than the pursuit of hopes and the more immediate negative consequences of not fulfilling these ‘ought to’ obligations may mean there is less time to engage in reflective contemplation,” Dickson says.
Advice for minimising psychological distress
Dickson says self-guides as standards that we aspire to are beneficial in giving a sense of purpose and direction in life and promoting wellbeing, even if we don’t always reach them, but turning the focus toward negative self-evaluation and self-criticism is counter-productive.
“Reflecting on and at times modifying our self-guides may be helpful, particularly if we are caught in a spiral of negative self-evaluation that is accompanied by a constant sense of failing to meet overly high standards.
“We need to be kind to ourselves and keep our self-guides in perspective.”